he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
