I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
