dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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