GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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