took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize