I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
