I am spending my child support on dildos
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
