Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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