I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
being pregnant is like rehab
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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