Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
