If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
