On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
