I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
