What a fucking waste of an outfit
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
