I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
