I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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