haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize