He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
