I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
im on a boat
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