im drinking this country out of the recession.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
