ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
