She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
