went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
