He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize