im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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