Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
