Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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