i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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