u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
