I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
