You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
