that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
