she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
