i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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