I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
