You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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