Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
