There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
