that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
