I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
