he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
