I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
