She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
