A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
