I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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