three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
