Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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