You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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