I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
