where am i from again
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
