Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
