Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
