Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
