What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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