Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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