I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
operation harelip BJ is a go
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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