I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
