Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
