its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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