I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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