U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
