I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize