i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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