we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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