2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
