She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize