I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
