you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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