Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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