my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize