the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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