wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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