God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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