so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
