I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
