those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
