were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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