my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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